Prudence I Write

 It means that we’re just dolls. We don’t have a clue what’s really going down, we just kid ourselves that we’re in control of our lives while a paper’s thickness away things that would drive us mad if we thought about them for too long play with us, and move us around from room to room, and put us away at night when they’re tired, or bored.

Rose Walker, in The Doll’s House

I’ve always felt that everything worked against me.  As if everyday the whole world conspired to put me down.  Hard.  Yes…you can see it all around you.  The great conspiracy. The Irony of Things.  It is as if someone Mighty out there watching us grow and do the reckless things that we do, wondering what would happen to us earthlings if he were to put a finger on this, or on this.  And with all the accidents that we go through, would we evolve into something like him? 

From the moment we wake up, and even as we sleep, we begin to live our lives as we are directed to…not as how we want to.  Do we choose the time that we wake up?  No.  Though we have alarms and snooze, do we really wake up at the time that we set ourselves to? No.  We wake up when we finally felt that misty curtain lift from our minds and we see the whole world more clearly.  It is when we are finally convinced that we have left the dreaming world.  And suddenly, we can move all our limbs and finally, be able to get up from bed.  Do we decide this?  Can we will our body to do this?  I don’t think so. 

     And when we go out of the house and ride the buses or jeepneys to our work, why do we always end up with the ride that somehow goes through all the heavy traffic in the metropolis? And when you do get to the work place on time, you’ll just find out that you’ve have not brought your work files with you.  Not in the briefcase where it’s supposed to be.  And then comes lunchtime, you fall in the shortest line and you get the food last because the food server is just way too slow. 

   These are just some of the things that really makes your world turn upside down (or downside up?).  Everything seems so chaotic that I really wonder to what purpose that we undergo through these things.  It is as if we’re living in a fast-track world that is full of accidents.  As if we are trying to do the right things only by trial and error. 

     I wonder what will happen if, suddenly, time will come that someone out there would become bored with our chaos and finally decided to just shut down everything?

     Hmmm…that would be interesting.  I’d agree to that.  I’ve had too much of this chaos.  He can pull the plug on us, as long as I’m floating on dark blue waters, staring at the full moon and star-filled sky, when he does it.  That would really be a nice good night to me. 

First Entry Finally! It took me a lot of time thinking of what to write for my first entry. But it suddenly occurred to me…why do I have to think about it so thoroughly? I could just ramble on and on ’bout mundane things. Anything that comes to mind. I don’t care what people will think. I’ve been afraid of being branded superficial. But come to think of it, superficiality defined is the quality of being concerned with only the obvious or the apparent. I’m not saying the obvious, am I? I’ve gone to a certain depth, but I’d rather stop here than go any further. I fear the monster underneath.