Prudence I Write

I’m just so happy I’m quite speechless actually hahahaha.  Just
real glad that all the sacrifices paid off.  Be back again.
Have to email all my classmates who passed the boards also…

Here’s the link to the physician licensure exam results: http://www.inq7.net/exam/Phys0805.pdf

Rent the Musical is now a movie.  Check out the site:
Link: Sony Pictures - Rent.

This pic was taken while I was on my way to MLQU Arlegui for the last 3 exams of the medical boards.  Check out those eyebags!  Hahaha  I’m glad that I’ve gotten over it completely.  But now I don’t know if I can’t wait to see the results (see if I passed) or wish that day would not come! 

Now I could do a little bit more surfing and make changes to my blogpages.  Still don’t know which ones I should keep. 

SPERM DONOR REALITY SHOW?
Wed Aug 24,11:14 AM ET Yahoo! News

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Billionaire television producer John de Mol, behind the pioneer show Big Brother, will test the limits of reality TV with a program in which a woman searches for a potential sperm donor to conceive a child.

His new TV station Talpa, launched earlier this month, confirmed it will air a program called "I want your child … and nothing else!" but gave no further details about the show due at 1830 GMT Wednesday.

"The plan is that we visit potential donors and — of course on camera — decide which man is most suitable," the 30-year old woman who will feature in the program said in an interview with De Telegraaf newspaper.

"Afterwards there will be artificial insemination," said the woman who was identified only as "Yessica" and who has bought a house with a room for a child.

The show is a one-off competing with four other reality TV programs, one of which follows five former prostitutes starting a cafe. The program receiving most votes from viewers Saturday, after all the shows have aired, will be turned into a series.

De Telegraaf also published an email address for men wanting to donate sperm to Yessica.

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Now this one is a surprise.  Hahahaha!  I wonder what they are going to come up with in the next few months. 

So for the sperm donors, if ever this proposed reality show does become a reality, good luck!

I do love the Matrix movies.  I must have watched it for the nth time (I can’t even remember anymore how many times hahaha).  I loved it not just because of the hi-tech effects and of Keanu Reeves.  But rather the story itself of the Matrix.  For me, it has been a symbol of liberation.

I spent my formative years under the tutelage of RVM sisters.  And during those times, I was able to forge the different skills that I would need to survive the adult world.  And one of these skills is the ability to think outside the box.  But still, the fact that I studied in a Catholic high school meant that I could not just explore and experiment on just about anything.  I must remain conformed to the ways of the nuns.  Yeah, so I was a good school girl then. 

When I started college at De La Salle University, it was the beginning of liberation.  Yes, it is a Catholic university, but it has a more liberal atmosphere as compared to where I came from.  And my thirst for knowledge and experience grew insatiable.  Here I’ve tasted the forbidden fruit all right.  Here I learned to see religion as not black and white.  But rather a mixture of beliefs, more or less, tempered the way people needed it to be.  I dabbled for a short while with witchcraft, having found the tenets of the religion conforms to what I’ve believed all along.  Here I learned my vices: alcoholic beverages and smoking.  I was unsheathed from my coccoon and was unafraid to explore liberal ideas regarding everything there is under the sun. 

I remember an argument I used to have with one of my best friends.  She has always told me that she thinks I’ve been going too far with my "explorations".  I remember having told her that in order to know good, we must know what is evil.  That to drink and to smoke is to imbibe the how and the why of drinking and smoking.  That to know the other existing religions other than Catholicism is to grasp the reality of Christ (some people would be surprised that there are other valid religions other than Catholicism or Christianity, for that matter.  Most people think of religion as either you are for God (Christian) or for Satan).  But we do already know what the right things are, my best friend said.  Yeah, we do, I replied.  But as Neo said, there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. 

And so, I chose to walk the path and found myself scarred with my constant encounter with torns and ruthless elements.  But I’m proud of what I’ve become.  To have gone through all,I know now that I more than know it.  I have been in it.  I saw the harvest of the vast fields.  I have the right to speak of it.  But most importantly, I gained the right of redemption.

Too lazy to study already :-(  I’m just checking my blog pages and my
emails.  Also checked out the pinoy big brothers website.  Nothing
really special but I’m still watching the show.  I don’t know.  Another
reality tv show wouldn’t cause that much harm, would it? 

Here I am, typing away, while listening and watching MTV (I can do multi-tasking).  I’m not really  thinking of anything right now.  Just
trying to enjoy the moment when I stop thinking about problems and the
things that I have to do.  To stop time, at least for a while, that’s
what I want.  And so I just drown myself with music, like the Late
Isabel’s "My Favorite Things"…

Ooopppsss…I didn’t mean it to be that scary. But, really, Judgment day is coming near for me. Four more days before start of board exams! It will take up 2 weekends. August 21 and 22 (A Sunday and a Monday) and then August 28 and 29. I think I’ve made use of my time properly and reviewed the right materials but, still, I’m quite nervous. Because everything boils down to this…it’s now or never.

Earlier this evening, my parents and I attended a mass at the Shrine of the Divine Mercy Church in Marilao, Bulacan. I’m not really a religious person, but, though I’m a little ashamed, I’ve to admit that this is one of those times that only the Lord’s grace could help me get through a seemingly difficult task, results of which would greatly affect everything around me and that I must do my utmost best to try to control this “domino” effect towards a more favorable course.

It was my first time there, since the new church was built. I should have taken pictures so I could post it here. But I guess I was just in a solemn mood that I forgot documenting the time I stayed there. The presiding priest was young and his name I didn’t bother to know because I wasn’t interested at first. And so the mass started. I wasn’t really paying attention until the start of the homily, when the priest stepped out of the podium and walked into the center of the elevated platform. This I haven’t seen for a while. Most priests that I’ve seen say homily behind the podium. This seemed to me a sign of wanting to put a barrier between the people and his place. So this move of the young priest piqued me and I shifted in my seat a little to try to listen more to what he’s got to say about the gospel.

The gospel is a tale of a vineyard owner who went out to the center of his town to look for workers for his vineyard. First time that he went out, he recruited several bystanders to work in his vineyard for 1 dinar in a day. And the bystanders agreed to this arrangement and went to his vineyard. Again in the middle of the day and a couple more times in the afternoon, the owner went out to the center of the town to look for more workers. At the end of the day, he called them so that he could give them their wages, from the last recruited to the first. He gave the last recruits 1 dinar. Upon seeing this, the first recruits expected that they would receive a little more, since they worked the whole day. To their disappointment, they also received 1 dinar. And so they asked the owner why they were given the same wage as those who worked only for a few hours. The owner told them that they should just receive their wages and go, since it was what they have agreed upon. He also told them, as the owner of the vineyard, he has the right to do whatever he wish with his money and property.

And there the young priest stood, out in the open. He began his homily saying that the gospel, at first, would seem unfair to the first recruits. Same wage for those who worked for a day and for those who worked only for a few hours? The owner should have made some adjustments, the common person would say. That’s what I thought too, I said quietly. But here comes in the wisdom that I never expected. The priest said that to appreciate this gospel, we must see it in the context of the time it was written.

Now, that got me more interested. It’s rare nowadays (in my experience) for a priest to explain a gospel in this context. Most homilies I heard from priests were all about the morals taught by the reading, without explaining the other details in the story as well. And so, during those times, I’ve always been left pondering why would God teach it like that and that I heard those things already from my Christian Living classes from grade school to high school.

So, to bring a new light to this story, the priest talked to us about how these bystanders were actually “contract” workers during that time. In the center of the town, they would congregate there everyday, waiting for people to give them work for the day. And so, one could say that their work is not very stable. Everyday, such workers are not assured of a daily earning. One dinar, during that time, was the approximate amount of money that could buy all the necessities for the day. So, one dinar was the minimum wage at that time. So, it would be natural for the owner to give these workers 1 dinar for a day’s work. The priest explained that the owner went out several times during the day to look for more workers simply because he sees that there’s still much work to be done and with not enough workers. He saw these bystanders, not having been given work even if the day is almost about to end, would not have any money to bring home to their families. And, so, out of his good heart, he hired them and gave them wages enough to buy their simple needs. And so he told the first recruits not to envy his kindness.

It was the simplicity of his sermon that struck me. He talked of some more personal stories relating to his experiences as a child growing up in a farm. He spoke of an incident about self-righteousness involving regular female church-goers (the “manangs”). Most of the priests I’ve heard would always just rephrase the gospel (so, just actually repeating it and the homily would be over in about 5 minutes). Or some would just preach about other things, not quite related to the gospel. Perhaps it would be enough for those who go to church just to be able to say they’ve heard mass. But for someone like me, a college graduate, someone who had the chance to study bible exegesis as part of our curriculum, it was just not enough. I wanted more. And I honestly think that it would be fair to teach the gospel in its context because most people would take it in black and white.

After a few more minutes, the mass ended. Still I didn’t know his name. I should have asked for it. However, he changed my attitude toward hearing mass. I realized that there are still some good priests left and that they maybe able to help me seek enlightenment especially in these dark days. Moreover, he is a young priest. Perhaps with not much experience yet as a shepherd of the Christian community, it did not hinder him from giving a good sermon, even better than those given by “veteran” priests.

Maybe after my board exams I’d go back to this church and hear him say mass again. I’m already looking forward to it.

The sun never came out today. It has been a day of downpour and sordid
skies. Rainy season, I think, has finally begun. And it may last until
about November or December, when everybody would be glad to celebrate the
holidays cool and dry. But for me, rainy days will always be here. I just
love it when it rains. It seem to console me and match the mood which I usually find myself in. Seems that only the skies, brewing storms, can ever
understand how I feel.

As usual, nothing much today. I’m still doing what I’ve been doing for the
past few months: reading, reviewing, and sleeping. I need to finish my
second pass reading of physiology by tomorrow so I could get to test myself
with the sample questions. Eight days more and judgement days will begin
(medical board exams will take 4 days). I want this to be done already so I could turn my attention to more important things, like mourning.

I’m still depressed about this guy that I liked. Yes, we are friends and
all that. We are even texting one another right now. However, I still
haven’t fully accepted the fact that this is all we’ll ever be. Just
friends. He’s simply not that romantically interested (though most of the
time it would seem otherwise and people around us would think that we are
romantically involved. Sad to say, guys, we aren’t…) And I still feel
jealous whenever he talks about any female friends going to his house (God
knows what they might be doing there in his room. He even implied once that
they were doing something else there. I could only bit my lip and keep
silent but tears were already flowing…).

I remember that time the I proposed to him. Yup, I did that. Stupid me. I
proposed to him that we put the relationship to the next level since we are
doing so good as friends and that I care for him. He told me that we are
already doing good where we are. I didn’t push it anymore. Then I
remembered that there was one time he told me that he wished he was my
boyfriend. Maybe he was just drunk then. But we were just finishing up our
first round of beer then. I don’t know. I was confused. With the recent
events (which I could not elaborate more on because I have to protect some
people’s interest…), I only slowly realized that he may not want to be
involved in a relationship as of the moment. I supposed that should be of
some consolation to me, but I don’t feel that it is. Day in and day out I
wanted to show him more affection but I just cannot because I am limited to
being a friend. And this is where I should just be while he may be
galloping around and breaking girls’ hearts and just being the usual
charming bachelor he is. People hear me talking like this would have said
that I should just get over him and get a life of my own, since that is what
he is doing. Easier said than done. I just can’t. Not right away. There are days that I felt that I have fully grasped that fact he couldn’t be mine
(as evidenced by some of my previous entries). But then there were days
that I would suddenly remember that I still do have some feelings left and
that it would not be easily set aside. And it is a cycle that I don’t know
if and how it would end. I have debated with myself if I’ll tell him all
these things. Part of me says that I should since he has right to know it
because we are friends and that maybe by telling him so he would have a
sudden realization that it is me that he wanted all along. Another part of
me says that it would be a waste of my time and it would just make me look
like an idiot. I already know that he wouldn’t completely understand me
because it never happened to him (most people who did not experience these
kind of things would mostly regard my feelings as superficial. I hate those
people…).

And the debate continues. Maybe after the board exams I’d write or email
him a letter, though I’m not yet sure how and what I should tell him. For
the mean time, it would just be me, my journal, my tears, the downpour of
rain and the sordid skies. Hope, my Muse, will be the little firelight in
the darkness. I just hope her wings won’t be dampened by the endless fall of rain…

While most Filipinos would spend much of their evening watching, “Mga Anghel na Walang Langit”, “Kampanerang Kuba”, “Meteor Garden”, “Darna”, or “Engkantadia”, I usually spend an hour of my early evening watching the newest and hottest reality-based TV show in the Philippines today. It’s more exciting than the said telenovelas because everyday something significant happens that propels that whole story forward. Day by day, character development among the players were apparent. Moreover, whatever the ending of the story would be, I’m sure it would be make an important impact in my life. I’m talking about the drama-filled and comedy-prone saga of the President: Guilty or Not Guilty.

It’s quite interesting, actually. An unbiased observer would find amusement on how the pro-administration members and opposition members hurl criticisms at each other. A little highlight would be that one of the Department of Justice Secretary hurling below-the-belt comments about an ex-president’s daughter and how this ex-president’s daughter retorted to every insult on live TV in one of the popular showbiz talk shows, after which the president personally called her and asked forgiveness for the nth time. And then, there’s the endless changing positions among the politicians and opposition witnesses, who were condemning the First Family for being connected to jueteng payola, suddenly saying that they were just forced to do so, but adding that they did not lie in their statements (that’s somehow contradictory, isn’t?).

Oh well, tomorrow would be a more exciting episode. Tomorrow the Committee on Justice hearings regarding the impeachment proposal will start and the Jueteng hearings in congress, with the opposition saying they have a new surprise witness (how could it be surprise when they have already announced the name?) to present who will give undeniable and credible evidence connecting the First Family to jueteng.

More of this tomorrow. I still have to watch ABS-CBN’s Pipol episode tonight about Commissioner Garcillano, the supposed COMELEC commisioner PGMA was talking to in the Hello Garci tape, and Michael Angelo Zuce, witness as to how Lilian Pineda gave out money (supposedly from jueteng payola) to COMELEC commissioners during a dinner in the Arroyo’s La Vista House.

I just hope this is not one of those long-playing dramas on TV…

Nothing much today.  It was already 6am earlier when I decided to end my studying and slept.  Woke up after 5 hours to continue where I left.  Then I got busy with the review materials sent to me via email, checking which would be worth my study time, printing some of the questions while the other lengthy ones I put in my PDA.  Was talking with this guy that I like over the phone and having a nice time at it when someone called him from the other line.  He answered the phone and then told me he’ll just call me again.  He hadn’t called again.  Hmmm…I wonder who that other person was…are they still talking now?  Why hasn’t he called again?  Are they having a nice chit-chat like we did?

Jealousy starting to stir up again, I guess.  So, I decided to continue with my review, while listening to Nina songs, trying to put a stop on the wheels that have started whirring again inside my mind.  I can’t think about him now.  Not when the board exams are so near.  I drowned myself with Nina’s songs like "Love Moves" and "Through the Fire".  Then I started to dream how it would be like if I really know how to sing and I could sing these songs to him and some others which he like.  Or maybe we could do sing a duet of "The Closer I Get to You"…but he doesn’t know that song hahaha.  Oh well, maybe if I could sing he would take more notice of me.

No, no, no.  Daydreaming again (actually it’s already 12:18 am but then, whatever…).  Got to stop  this.  I have been in a situation like this.  And I know where this would lead me if I do not get a grip at myself.

On with my review.  After checking emails and my blogs…